Cinepub


Review: Foxcatcher by Jamie
10/01/2015, 9:21 pm
Filed under: Review | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever had boring sex? I mean like completely and absolutely terrible boring sex? Well I have and there is literally no other way to describe how I felt about Foxcatcher without going in to this because it’s my point of reference. So anyway, I had sex once whilst wearing a super safe condom and it went on for about as long as the running time of Foxcatcher. And it was boring. It was boring as hell. I honestly couldn’t tell you if we finished or not. To be fair, I don’t think we did. I think both parties just agreed this was a lost cause and maybe we should just go for a drink or something… Right, Foxcatcher. Foxcatcher is like that. Because even during the most boring sex you have ever had, your brain, and I admit I speak exclusively for males here, will try and convince you that this is awesome because you’re having sex. But there’s something in the back of your mind telling you that as awesome as this is, something is not quite right. Something is off and it’s not worth it to drag it out but you will because sex.

This is the experience of watching Foxcatcher. You know it’s an Oscar season release and so you’re initially forgiving during the opening because, hey, some of the best movies start of slow, right? And of course, you’ve heard great things about Steve Carell so maybe things will pick up when he’s on screen. And they do, for a moment. And then once the novelty has worn off you’re just like huh? Yeah, that was Steve Carell and he was definitely doing an impression of that guy I watched a YouTube video of earlier. Good for him.

I kid Steve Carell but to be fair, he’s great in this. Everyone is. It’s just the directing that is so fucking poor. This movie was around two hours and forty five minutes long. If they’d cut out every slow, ponderous scene where someone drives a car or two people sit down and one of them composes themselves for a minute before talking or cut out every scene where people just weren’t talking to each other, this easily would have been an hour and a half. Easily. And yeah, I get that the latter example there, people sitting and not talking to each other, can be used to great effect to build dramatic tension but once you’ve spent an entire movie watching people sit around and not talking, it kind of loses it’s dramatic effect and just winds up being “Oh great, another minute or two dragging this shit out.”

In conclusion, because I can’t be bothered to write about this any more, I feel like this was a potentially great story, poorly told. I mean Channing Tatum’s character was the main character through the entirety of the film but hey, last half hour you’d best forget about him. And going back to the boring sex analogy, this film is boring sex with a pretty good orgasm but it’s still over so quickly and without the end result really gelling quite well enough with the build up that it’s ultimately disappointing. In conclusion, again (yes I realise that I wrote that already but I got distracted because booze) this film was less an actual film than it was a slideshow with some story thrown in to try and distract you from the fact that it is just awful. And yet it’s not awful, thankfully because of it’s actors. They all really shine and I can’t help but get the feeling that even they were pissed off by the director’s ‘style’ because everything just feels flat, pedestrian. Dull. Yeah, so anyway this has been instant drunk reviews. 1 1/5 out of five for the acting but everything else? Fuck this movie.

Foxcatcher

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The Cinepub First Annual Obligatory Xmas Season Top 10 Christmas Films That I Enjoy To Like! by Jamie
22/12/2008, 1:53 pm
Filed under: Lists | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well, it’s that time of year again. People are roasting their nuts on open fires, toy companies a greedily stroking their chins in manners befitting their evil geniusnous and children are pissing themselves in the laps of creepy strangers wearing false beards. Merry Christmas!

It seems as though this is a blog about films and as such I am pretty much required by law to do a list containing my favourite Christmas movies of all time. I managed to resist doing a list of scary films at Halloween but I’m afraid I just can’t fight the mainstream on this. I fear that if I do, my blogging licence will be revoked and I’ll be forced to go back to not making money doing other things and I can’t have that.

So let’s begin shall we?

10) Santa Claus: The Movie

Since my first Christmas I’m fairly sure I’ve seen this Saint Nick biopic every damn year. (Though that’s impossible as it was released a year after my first Christmas but I digress) The film begins with Santa Claus gaining magical powers for he is the chosen one. The film ends up with Dudley Moore playing an elf teaming up with John Lithgow playing an evil business tycoon for some reason. Awesome!

9) Ernest Saves Christmas

Ernest P. Worrell featured quite heavily in my early life for some reason. In particular I remember two films, Ernest Scared Stupid and Ernest Saves Christmas. Since I can’t put Ernest Scared Stupid on this list I’m gonna have to put Ernest Saves Christmas on this list. The film tells the story of Ernest’s mission to find a replacement for Santa who’s getting close to retirement. In no way is it a fantastic film but it ain’t The Santa Clause and that counts for something.

8 ) Home Alone

Another one from my childhood. For some reason I may have seen this film more than any other film that has ever or will ever exist. It just always happens to be on for some reason. Either my brothers watching it, my cousins watching it or someone else is watching it and, having nothing better to do, I end up watching it too. You know the plot. Hell, you’ve probably seen it a thousand times too.

7) The Muppet Christmas Carol

A telling of the Charles Dickens’ story starring the loveable cast of the Muppets and the loveable aged cockney, Michael Caine. Particular pieces of awesome: Statler and Waldorf as the ghosts of Marley and Marley, Kermit and Piggy as Mr and Mrs Cratchit and an awesome Ghost of Christmas Future. As long as Future looks enough like Death in a Christmas Carol movie then I’m sold.

6) How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Yes, the animated TV special, not the one with Jim Carrey. Sprung forth from the surrealistic mind of Dr. Seuss and narrated by Boris Fucking Karloff. It’s the classic tale of a hairy green freak who wants to stop Whoville from enjoying Christmas only to have is heart grow three times that day. Man, I’m hungry for roast beast.

5) National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

It’s Christmas time at the Griswold’s and every body is coming to stay! Nothing goes smoothly, every little event working it’s way tirelessly and relentlessly to ruin Clark’s dream of a perfect Christmas. Every second of this film have things going from bad, to worse to uber-bad and it’s all very, very funny.

4) Scrooged

Another retelling of Dickens’ story, this time starring William Murray. This film modernizes the story as bastard television producer Francis attempts to make his own live version of the story only to have the events within it happen to him. As I said before as long as they have a good Ghost of Christmas Future I’m sold and in this film motherfucker is the Grim Reaper with a TV for a face. Awesome.

3) Lethal Weapon

It’s the greatest buddy cop movie ever made and also a damn good Christmas film. Ok so maybe it’s technically not a Christmas film but it’s set at Christmas time so it counts. Riggs is a cop with nothing to lose and Murtaugh is just getting’ too old for this shit. The film culminates with Riggs spending Christmas at the Murtaugh household so it definetly counts.

2) Die Hard

This is possibly the greatest action movie ever made and it’s a shame what the franchise has become but thankfully the knowledge that Die Hard 4.0 exists cannot take away from the awesome that is this film. I still feel tense watching certain parts of it, no matter how many times I watch it. This one also feels a lot more Christmassy than Lethal Weapon so it gets extra points for that.

1) Gremlins

Ah, what can I say about Gremlins that hasn’t already been said? Did you ever get a dog for Christmas? Then the dog got wet and more dogs sprouted out of his back? And then when the new dogs ate after midnight they turned into ravenous reptillian wolves? That’s kinda like this film but with mogwai and gremlins instead of dogs and wolves. There’s plenty of fun here as the titular characters just generally cause mayhem on Christmas night. They dress up as carolers, attack Santa Claus and kill an old woman! Ho, Ho, Ho Merry Christmas!




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