Cinepub


Top 10 Films That Make Me Cry by Jamie
03/02/2009, 2:18 pm
Filed under: Lists | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Jamie here. If there’s one thing I’ve come to realise over the years it’s that I’m a fucking pussy when it comes to even the slightest bit of emotion in a film, especially in recent years. I dunno what it is but the slightest sad thing happens and I’m blubbering like a bitch. In that spirit then is this, a list of my top 10 films guaranteed to make me cry. Warning: this list will contain spoilers and where available I’ve tried to show the scenes in question in video form.

10: Toy Story

Perhaps an odd choice but it’s one specific scene in particular. Buzz is determined to fly in order to prove to himself that he can fly and that he is not a toy whilst Randy Newman’s song “I Will Go Sailing No More” plays in the background. The mixture of determination and ultimate realisation combined with that song just tugs at my heart strings.

9: Home Alone

This may be the movie I have seen more times that any other in my entire life. At family Christmas gatherings it always seems to be on at some point plus it’s a particular favourite of certain family members so it’s just as likely to be on at any time of the year. What scene makes me cry? Well, the final one of course, when his mum comes back. If it doesn’t affect you then you’ve got a heart of fucking stone.

8: The Lives Of Others

The scene in which Christa-Maria, believing she had just stabbed her lover Georg in the back in exchange for her own safety decides to take her own life rather than live with guilt of what she has done. The saddest thing? The incriminating evidence had just been removed by the sympathetic agent who had been sent to spy on them.

7: The Lion King
Ah the Lion King. Truly one of the Disney classics and further proof that Disney hates parents. Seriously how many parents have died or are already dead within Disney films? So yes the scene here is, of course, the death of Simba’s father, Mufasa, and the fact that Simba blames himself. Heartbreaking.

6: Brokeback Mountain

Yes, the controversial film about two bisexual cowboys who fall in love. Leave your hang ups at the door and just fucking watch it. It’s an amazing film with a fantastic cast and it’s roles like thos that truly highlight what a great hole Heath Ledger’s death left us with, though his accents a tad dodgy in this. The film that gets the waterworks going? The last scene after Jake has been gay bashed to death when Ennis does up the shirt he retrieves from Jack’s house and is left to reminisce. It’s a simple, quiet and touching moment.

5: Lilo and Stitch

My penultimate animated entry on this list and my personal favourite Disney film. Not sure why exactly. Maybe because it’s quite different from many of the others, maybe it’s the Elvis soundtrack or maybe it’s just the way it touched me. There are several moments in this film that bring me to tears but the biggest one must be the scene that follows when Stitch decides to leave and everyone is feeling thoroughly sad.

4: The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King

There’s only one scene really that gets me in this film. It’s the scene where the Men of Gondor ride to almost certain death as Pippin sings a song for the seemingly uncaring steward of Gondor as he feast greedily. Wow.

3. Forrest Gump

Now I’ve made fun of this film quite a few times in my life, mainly due to the phrase “Magic Legs”. It’s just a damn funny thing to say. And while this film is indeed quite funny, it can also be quite touching and never quite so much as when Forrest is saying goodbye to Jenny.

2. Batman Begins

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the murder of Bruce Wayne’s parents portrayed so poignantly. From the lead up, the murders themselves and the aftermath, everything in these scenes is perfect for really getting at the love and respect Bruce had for his parents, particularly his father and just goes to explain his clearly damaged psyche a little more. Most heartbreaking of all is when Bruce breaks into tears whilst blaming himself.

1. E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial

Really? Would anyone ever choose anything else?

Honorary Television List

Whilst making this list, I was reminded of a few things from television that had affected me over the years. Here they are in no particular order… except the best is at the end.

Extras – Big Brother Speech

I dunno what it is exactly about this scene that gets me going. Maybe it’s the fact that I was hammered having drunk an entire bottle of Baileys before watching it but I spent the night rewinding and rewatching this scene over and over again.

Futurama – The Luck Of The Fryrish

During the episode Fry is under the assumption that his brother had stolen his lucky 7 leaf clover and his name when he had gone missing. At the end of the episode it is revealed that he had actually named his son after him in one of the most moving scenes ever animated and the best use of “Don’t You Forget About Me” by Simple Minds ever.

Scrubs – My Lunch

Dr. Cox orders transplants for three patients when a supply comes in. Unfortunately the organs are infected with rabies resulting in the disease being passed on to the three patients. For two of the patients, it’s not such as they would have died either way but the third could have waited another month for a transplant and Cox finally loses it. From the music to the acting, everything is perfect.

Scrubs – My Screw Up

In this episode, Dr. Cox’s best friend, and former brother in law, Ben experiences a re-emergence of his cancer. For the most of the episode it seems as though it finally went back into remission until this final scene where it becomes clear Dr. Cox has been living in denial.

Blackadder – Goodbyeee

Wow. This is it. The ultimate saddest ending of anything. Can’t help but notice that all of these have come from comedies. Strange that, maybe that’s why they are so affecting. These scenes are the opposite of what you normally expect from these programs.



Video Reviews: W. and Zack And Miri Make A Porno by Jamie
19/11/2008, 9:39 am
Filed under: Review | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here are the first two video reviews for Cinepub, W. and Zack And Miri Make A Porno. They’re a little rough around the edges, the audio is a little out of sync, I think because my webcam is pretty shitty, but they’re the first ones and so they can only get better.
Also I’m kinda embaressed that neither of us could remember who played Laura Bush. It was Elizabeth Banks, a.k.a Miri from Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Plan.
Anyway, please enjoy. Laterz.

W.

Cinepub: W.
by Twackius

Zack And Miri Make A Porno



Great Scenes From Shit Films, Part 8: Batman And Robin by Jamie

It’s been a while since my last post but I’ve been suprisingly busy lately. Today we’ll be looking something just a little notorious. I give you:

Well, here we go then. One of the greatest atrocities ever committed to film. Something so bad it killed not only the Batman franchise but comic book movies in general for several years. Was Batman Forever bad? Undoubtedly. But this? This is… Well watching this is akin to accidentally setting your genitalia on fire, then having someone piss on you to try and put the fire out but missing the fire and hitting you square in the face. That having failed they decide to stamp the fire out before giving up and leaving you there to die. It’s pretty fucking bad.

So what exactly do we have here? Well George Clooney dons the bat-mantle this time, with Anakin Skywalker playing Robin. What? Sorry, that’s Chris O’Donnell. Guess I was confused by his constant fucking whining.

The film opens to them gearing up for business. And oh, how they gear up for business with there new and improved muscle-toned and be-nippled outfits. Marvel at the fine craftsmanship on the ass crack! Revel in delight at the sight of the plastic six-pack! And gasp with joy at the sight of those bat-nipples! I’m sure it’s just the design Bruce Wayne had in mind when he decided that criminals were a superstitious lot that would fear the visage of a bat!

Anyway they eventually (and I do mean eventually, the Batmobile takes forever to emerge from it’s holding space in the Batcave) arrive at the scene of the crime where Mr. Freeze, played here by >shudder< Arnie, is trying to steal a Diamond from Gotham City’s Museum which seems to have all of it’s exhibits in one large neon room. Mr. Freeze makes a few ice puns, freezes Robin, grabs the diamond and escapes. It should be noted at this point that ice puns will feature regularly in this movie. Far, far to regularly. Also of note is the fact that Mr. Freeze is a scientist. A scientist who claims that dinosaurs were made extinct by the Ice Age. I know it’s just another throw away ice pun but it really fucking bothers me.

Meanwhile in South America, Uma Thurman is working for Daniel Clamp who has apparently become a scientist and moved to the Southern Hemisphere after having his tower wrecked by Gremlins. I guess it makes sense. It appears as though they have developed a formula called Venom though Clamp won’t tell Uma what it’s ultimate purpose is. She soon discovers by spying on him when he administers it to a puny convict who then becomes >sigh< Bane. Except it’s not fucking Bane! I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised since we’ve already seen not Batman and not Robin fight not Mr Freeze but it’s getting too fucking much now.

Daniel Clamp realises that Uma has been watching him and dumps some chemicals on her when she refuses to join him. He’s convinced she’s dead but of course she isn’t because what this film needs is one more shitty villain. Introducing Poison Ivy! She kills Clamp with her poisonous kiss, finds out Wayne Enterprises has been funding Clamps research and heads to Gotham City with Bane! It’s yawn inducing excitement!

Meanwhile Alfred is dying and his niece Barbara Wilson comes to visit from… England? I mean, that’s what she says but she certainly seems to have an accent that I’ve never heard in this country except for when talking to foreigners… specifically foreigners from America. Oh fuck… I don’t think I can make it through this… I think this film is actually beating me. We’ve already had the wrong version of several Batman characters but it looks as though we’re going to get not Batgirl as well… Sigh. I need a beer. I’ll be back in a minute so Chill Out!

There, I feel better. At a charity event, Ivy puts herself up for auction for a date after dancing seductively whilst dressed as an ape. God, how I wish that didn’t happen. Batman and Robin begin bidding wildly, Batman eventually winning because of his Bat Credit Card. His Bat Credit Card. Where do they send his fucking bills? They actually let a man who dresses as a fucking flying rat have a fucking credit card? FUCK! More Beer.

Right lets get through this. So Freeze interrupts the party, throws around more ice puns and steals another diamond. Batman catches him and Freeze ends up in jail. Ivy busts Freeze out of jail and they join forces with Ivy’s plan being to get Freeze to freeze the world, killing off humans and animals so only plants survive… For fucks sake! She’s supposed to be a scientist too! Yet she knows nothing about exactly what would be affected by freezing the Earth! Has she ever seen anything about the south pole? Does she know what lives there? Fucking penguins! Penguins and no fucking plants! MnnNmNn! More Beer!

No. Fuck it. I’m done. You wanna know how it ends, watch the damn thing yourselves. This film has caused me actual physical pain. My brain hurts and I think my bladder may be failing. Either way this film has left me needing serious surgery. And serious beer. Fuck, I think my eyes might be bleeding. This film makes me want to go out and hurt actual bats. I love bats but now if I ever come across one I am likely to force it to endure Saw-esque levels of torture like making it watch Batman and Robin.

I’m sorry… I tried, tried so hard but it was to much. I never should have tried to take this on alone. If you find this blog post please tell my parents I loved them. My final wish is that I be buried with my DVD collection except for Batman and Robin which is to be destroyed in an appropriate manner. I would suggest toxic waste but I fear the disc would do more damage to the waste than vice versa.

Oh and your scene for today isn’t just one but an entire collection of Arnie’s Ice puns… I’m so very, very sorry.




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