Cinepub


Review: Independence Day by Jamie

It’s hard to believe that our little America was 234 years old yesterday. It seems like only yesterday that you were dressing up like Natives and dumping our tea in the Boston harbour. Now look at you. All grown up with your own postal service, building codes and monuments. We’re so proud of you.

It’s equally hard to fathom that the film ‘Independence Day’ is fourteen years old. Seriously, just try and fathom that, I dare you. See? I told you. It’s practically unfathomable. Still I can remember watching this film in some tiny cinema in some backwater Essex town which name escapes me now but it was certainly between the time that Braintree’s cinema closed and it’s new one opened. It could have been anywhere but I can still remember thinking how weird it was that this place that was essentially a village had a cinema whilst Braintree, an averagely sized town had none. I think I saw ‘The Blair Witch Project’ in the same place.

Anyway, that’s besides the point. The point is that I can remember that I was blown away by the film back then. It was fucking awesome seeing all those alien spaceships and exploding monuments. What wasn’t to love? My excitement was probably heightened by the fact that I was an eleven year old seeing a 12 rated film in the cinema and also the fact that I was deep into my fascination with the paranormal back then, particularly aliens so the fact that this film referenced things like Roswell and Area 51 was just icing on the awesome cake for me. Still some things stuck out as odd to me even back then. In particular the portrayal of the British soldiers but I’ve already gone into that in my ‘2012’ review.

I remember even have the graphic novel adaptation of the film which I read on the way to the cinema, something that I certainly wouldn’t do now. Fuck I even try and avoid comedy trailers nowadays simply because I don’t want the funny bits of the film ruined. I loved this film so much that I even had a couple of the alien action figures. I thought they were awesome with their weird bio-mechanical suits and frail little inhabitants. Yes, I was completely sucked in by the awesome I perceived ‘Independence Day’ to be.

So what would it be like watching it again now? I have actually watched it since, well, watching it may be a bit of an exaggeration. Let’s just say it’s been on whilst I’ve been in the vicinity of the television. Yes, it was time to actually sit down and watch it properly… And then watch it with the Rifftrax commentary directly afterwards. If anything’s worth doing it’s worth doing right.

So what’s the film about? Really? You need me to explain it? Everyone’s seen it, right? Can I finish a sentence in this paragraph without a question mark? Yes. Yes I can.
Anyway the basic gist of the plot is that aliens come and attack Earth. A group of generally unrelated characters come together and fight back and save America and the rest of the world from the alien menace. That’s pretty much it.

So who are these disparate characters? Well, there’s uh… ummm J-Jeff… Ah, yes Jeff Goldblum playing Jeff Goldblum playing David Levinson. No, that wasn’t a typo. Jeff Goldblum basically brings his usual Jeff Goldblum thing to this character but hey, he’s good at it so who am I to complain? David is a genius who manages to figure out the aliens are planning to attack. He decides to travel to Washington with his father Jewlius Levinson played by Judd Hirsch… Sorry, that should be spelled Julius. I just got confused because Julius is perhaps the most stereotypical portrayal of a New York Jewish character ever portrayed on screen. Seriously, he’s meshuga with the over the top Yiddish. Oy vey.

Anyway as I was saying, they schlep to Washington to meet David’s ex-wife Constance Spano (Margaret Colin) who just happens to be an advisor to President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman). In fact it was her decision to further her career in politics that caused their divorce. Still right now David needs to see the President so I guess it all conveniently worked out for the best.

Meanwhile The Fresh Prince of the US Air Force Captain Steve Miller (Will Smith) is having problems. The first is that he wants to become an astronaut but is finding it difficult because he is in love with Jasmine Dubrow (Vivica A. Fox), a stripper, and NASA apparently has very strict rules against hiring people as astronauts if they want to marry a stripper. His second problem is that his Fourth of July weekend has been cancelled thanks to the massively inconvenience of an alien invasion. Thirdly, he has the most annoying best friend in the history of the world, Captain Jimmy Wilder (Harry Conick Jr). Thankfully the aliens sort out his third problem for him.

Even more meanwhile redneck drunkard Russell Casse (Randy Quaid) is having issues due to an alien abduction related incident ten years prior. It causes him all sorts of drink related problems such as crop-dusting the wrong fields and being a really, really shitty father. He’s just been looking for a chance to get back at those extra-terrestrial bastards and it looks like he might finally get it.

So that’s your main cast I guess. There are a few other characters that round the whole thing out like the president’s other employees, William Grey (Robert Loggia) , the wise but gruff military general and Albert Mimzki (James Rebhorn), the nuke happy, douche bag Secretary of Defence. There’s also wacky Area 51 researcher Dr. Brackish Okun, a man apparently so despised by his own parents that they named him after salty water and Marilyn Whitmore (Mary McDonnell), the First Lady who may or may not die in order to provide a poignant moment. By the way, she totally dies. Seriously though, they should have let her play the president, though I may be biased by my complete love of Battlestar Galactica.

So does the film hold up these days? Do I still believe it to be an unrelenting pile of awesome? Well, no. The special effects certainly look a little shoddy these days especially the scene with the incredible slow moving fireball in the tunnel which Jasmine, her son and their dog manage to escape by escaping into a maintenance room. The green screen effect is pretty fucking horrible, probably even by the standards of big blockbusters in the 90s. Plus there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of detail on the spaceships, more the illusion of detail… That’s not fair perhaps but what I’m talking about specifically is the giant death ray on the bottom of the ships. There’s just some metal bits and then a lot of ill-defined blue stuff.

As for the story it’s certainly true that much has been made of the ending where David and Steve manage to upload a computer virus into the alien ships systems and with good reason. It’s perhaps one of the most patently ridiculous plot points in any movie ever made. Seriously. If Macs are safe from the majority of viruses that can seriously shit up a Windows PC then how are we able to accept that we could infect a completely alien computer network with one? That shit just doesn’t make sense. And yes, I realise that it’s all supposed to be a modern, technological reference to ‘The War of the Worlds’ with the cold that wiped out the aliens replaced with a computerised version instead but I don’t care. As I previously stated, that shit just doesn’t make sense.

I suppose I can’t really finish this without bringing up President Whitmore’s little speech. Now thanks to the magical wonders of someone who can’t hold a camera still filming their television screen whilst the scene is playing, we can watch it. Let‘s do that, won‘t we?

Well, what can I say about it? Is it a bit cheesy, over-emotional and over-patriotic? Yes, yes it is. But then so is America. Don’t get me wrong, America, it’s these very qualities which endear you to me. I may not understand your rampant patriotism or emotionalism and there’re certainly not everyone’s cup of tea or light beer or whatever it is you drink in the States but I can find them charming in the same way that you find our Britishness quaint and endearing. Unfortunately the emotional impact of this scene is somewhat hampered by that whole British soldiers thing I mentioned earlier which happened but a few moments earlier.

And despite all the bad stuff I’ve said about this film, there’s an undeniable quality to it that just makes it somewhat entertaining. Sure there isn’t actually as much action and blowing shit up as you might expect from a sci-fi summer blockbuster and there are definite sections of the film which just seem to lull for what seems like an inordinate amount of time and the characters may all be cardboard cut-outs or stereotypes with no real reason to care but still about them but the movie somehow overcomes all those little problems to do what it sets out to do. Much like a little band of colonies did some 234 years ago. Happy America Everybody!

Oh, also the scene where the White House blows up is still pretty awesome.



Review: 2012 by Jamie

Review: 2012

Massive, World Ending Spoilers Ahead! (Including things to do specifically with the films ending. You have been warned)

Roland Emmerich is a guy who has pretty much made a career out of destroying shit. Sure he’s dallied with other projects like Stargate (Which gets an instant pass from me for starring His Holiness Kurt Russell) but at the end of the day what he’ll be most known for is destroying the absolute fuck out of landmarks. Whether it’s blowing up the White House in ‘Independence Day’ or ruining the hopes and dreams of every Godzilla fan with the American ‘Godzilla’, Emmerich just likes to destroy things.

So where do you go after ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ when you’ve managed to destory quite a large portion of the world? Well, you have to destroy the entire world of course! And so he took this logical step with 2009’s ‘2012’.

When I saw the trailer, I pretty much described it as Disaster Porn and on watching the film I’ve gotta say that my opinion of the film in that regard hasn’t really changed much. What I was slightly surprised by, however, was there was actually a fairly enjoyable plot. Nothing world changing or anything but it wasn’t anyway near as bad as I thought is was gonna be and by the end of the film I was genuinely engaged in the characters predicaments and the story as a whole. Admittedly, the plot doesn’t actually really get interesting until the last part of the film, the first hour or so all being filled with set-up, techno-babble and exposition but once the destruction starts you can’t help but take some small delight in what appears to be the near extinction of the human race. Then the cataclysmic events come to a bit of an end and the plot suddenly kicks in and just kinda draws you in somewhat.

Now, as a sceptic I think you can already guess what one of the major problems I have with this film is. Yes, that’s right, I really, really dislike the whole 2012 Mayan prediction aspect of it. It’s a personal problem I understand but it’s these kind of films that are just going to draw more people into believing this kind of shit is somewhat possible. Of course, if you actually take a look into the Mayans you’ll find there’s nothing to suggest that they predicted the world would end in 2012. Not only that but even if they had predicted such a thing, I’m not going to trust the prediction of a civilisation that couldn’t even predict that their civilisation would come to an end.

There’s another slight little problem which, as an Englishman, I feel I just had to mention. What is the deal with Roland Emmerich taking little jabs at Britain in his disaster films? Seriously, in Independence Day there’s a scene where there are some British soldiers just sitting out in the desert when I radio message comes. One of the limey bastards picks up the note and exclaims with delight “It’s from the Americans! They want to organise a counter-attack!” To which his equally posh-accented chap replies “It’s about bloody time!” Yes, that’s right. Whilst the world went to shit, we sat around and waited for the Americans to come up with a bloody plan. May I take this opportunity to point out that whilst America was dithering about whether or not to join World War 2, we successfully defended our country in the Battle of Britain. We weren’t waiting for the Americans too come up with a plan like the bloody French!

Then in ‘The Day After Tomorrow’, we Brits take on a somewhat more heroic role. We’re the ones who provide a lot of the sciencey data that help everyone to figure out what’s going on but when it comes down to it, it’s made very clear that Britain is totally fucked and doomed to freeze to death. Thanks Roland. Finally, in 2012 there is a slightly more comical swipe taking at Ol’ Blighty. The US president Danny Glover has decided that he’s just too old for this getting saved shit and decides to go down with his country. But who do we see shuffling onto one of the rescue ships in a later scene? Her Majesty The Queen walking a couple of corgis! This is ridiculous. Of course the Queen would die with England because a) she knows that no one on a multinational ship would take any of her ‘One is right royal’ bullshit and b) There’s no way she’d be walking her own corgis.

Wait. Didn’t Emmerich direct ‘The Patriot’ as well? Fuck. I don’t understand it Emmerich’s not even American, he’s German… Oh, right.

Anyway, sorry about that. Just had to get that of my chest. So 2012. Yeah, umm… The cast does a pretty decent job. It’s almost impossible not to like John Cusack in anything even though he is kinda playing a douche here. Woody Harrelson is playing a weird conspiracy theorist type and is adequately crazy and who doesn’t love Danny Glover? Nobody. That’s who.

The special effects are pretty mind blowing and do the job that is required of them. Blowing shit up, cracking open land masses and crumbling statues of Christ. It’s all you could really ask for in an apocalypse movie. At the end of the day it’s big, dumb fun and though it sometimes tries to be above what it is, it generally doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Oh, and I also really liked the ending where the last survivors of humanity have to make there way back to Africa. It was kind of like a nice little home-coming for humanity, returning to the cradle of our species. Three pints out of five. Laterz.




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