Cinepub


Zombie Month: Zombie Women of Satan by Jamie

Spoilers Ahoy!

Remember when I reviewed ‘Boy Eats Girl’ and I said that a flurry of bad Zombie comedies had followed the release of ‘Shaun of the Dead’? And how surprised I was that I actually found ‘Boy Eats Girl’ was actually quite entertaining? Well I decided to check out another Zombie comedy film in the hopes of repeating that success, British film ‘Zombie Women of Satan.’ I know what you’re thinking. That sounds like a title that would be found on a shitty, low-budget 70s softcore porn/horror film. And you’re right, it does sound like that and yet here it is on a 2009 film. Still, the important question is, is it any good?

Sadly, no. No it isn’t. The basic premise is… Well, it’s kinda hard to explain the basic premise because it’s a bit all over the place. Let me try. So, there’s this travelling burlesque circus group made up of Ringmaster Johnny Dee Hellfire (Seymour Mace), Pervo the Clown (Warren Speed), burlesque performer Harmony Star (Kate Soulsby), Zeus the Dwarf (Peter Bonner who was in ‘Through the Dragon’s Eye’, a show I watched in school. I knew I’d seen him before!) and silent tough man Damage (Joe Nicholson). The star of the show, for some reason, is Pervo the Clown. I say for some reason because even by clown standards, he’s pretty fucking unfunny. I mean just, well, take a look…

See what I mean? Anyway they are also joined by Skye Brannigan (Victoria Hopkins), lead singer of some band or something. After the show is over and after an “hilarious” scene in the hotel all about how Pervo likes to have raucous sex with many different women and how this annoys Johnny, the entire group travel to the middle of nowhere to appear on an internet interview show.

The interview happens to be presented by Tycho Zander (Christian Steele) and his sister Blue (Gillian Settle) It just so happens that Tycho is also a secret cult leader, having brainwashed a legion of sex slaves. These sex slaves are also being used in his father’s (Bill Fellows) Zombie research, helped as he is by Tycho’s other sister, Red (Marysia Kay). I don’t think it’s ever explained why he’s doing this research. Why would it be? That doesn’t seem to be important. Also unimportant is why Tycho and the girls’ mother (Kathy Paul) is chained up, trying to get people to fuck her and playing with her husband’s failed experiments. Sigh. Fuck this movie.

Anyway, most of the sex slaves accidentally get infected by Zombie virus and soon the farm compound is crawling with Zombies. The burlesque troop find themselves trapped as the gates are closed and the fences electrified. Also one of the surviving sex slaves who just so happens to be Skye’s long lost sister, Rachel (Victoria Broom) and Skye is determined to save her, with or without the help of the wacky burlesque performers. Oh, what coincidental fun!

Shit goes down, people die, others survive. Yeah, you know the drill from here. The point is that this film is pretty fucking terrible. When you take a break from the Zombie action to spend an inordinate amount of time on this…

Then you know you’ve got troubles. Yes, the film is blood soaked and there are Zombie tits flapping around all over the place but just because you’ve made a silly, juvenile comedy movie doesn’t mean that the plot can just trundle along without any rhyme or reason. You know what happens when something like that happens? You get one of those shitty Friedberg and Seltzer parody films. Things are brought up and never resolved all the fucking time. It’s revealed Pervo may have a slight homosexual attraction to Johnny that you think might come up later but nope. It’s also revealed through the father observing Tycho fucking his original Zombie experiment which is tied to a bed (Seriously people, I don’t know how may times I have to say this but STOP HAVING SEX WITH ZOMBIES!) that the Zombies seem to find sexual interaction soothing. I thought maybe this’d come up as some way for Pervo to stop the Zombie menace since it was set up earlier that he likes to have sex and comments often that he finds the Zombies attractive even though they’re dead but nope. Never brought up again. Christ, at least in ‘Deadgirl’ the Zombie fucking was integral to the plot.

There is one tiny saving grace to this film and that’s Seymour Mace as Johnny. He’s actually quite funny at times and, through their interactions, he actually makes Pervo occasionally funny as well. Unfortunately Pervo accidentally cuts his head off with a chainsaw in a scene that genuinely shocked me because I realised that I had literally no reason to continue watching this piece of shit but had to anyway. Also, Marysia Kay may be the worst actress I have ever seen in a film. One and a half pints out of five. Laterz.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment so far
Leave a comment



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: